I’m writing this as a letter to a friend. She’s beautiful, strong, and a colossally warm soul. This to you when the world gets cold. Much Love!Dear Flowerchild,
You have grown so much since we first met. I remember when you were energetic and ditzy but trusting of the world. I remember the first time I saw you smile and the first time I saw you cry. I liked the first more than the latter, believe me.
It’s hard to see someone fighting against the world trying to change them, but all you can do is remind them to keep their guard up, block, and protect yourself. But, as time went on, you wanted to learn more about life and the love of life that you were given. Yet, like many people learn too soon, life tries hard to bring you down to earth. That day, I could see the scars left from those that weren’t as kind to your heart.
I’ve watched you go to bat for friends that gave little. I’ve watched you fight for people who didn’t care. I know deep down inside you don’t want others to hurt because of you, but as you do it, I see the pain stay in your eyes.
Some of the main lessons I’ve learned while growing up is that you must start to value yourself or nobody else will. In relationships or friendships, it all comes down to you not them. I am a firm believer that we accept the love that we believe we deserve. If you value yourself highly, they have no choice but to meet that level of expectations or move on.
The problem is we often don’t believe that we deserve to be treated with love and respect. We believe that we can just love others freely and expect the same BUT, that’s not how it works. If you don’t love and respect yourself first, others will never show you that same love. That also leads me to a revelation I had a few months ago.
Do people love you or what you do for them? Do people love how you make them feel, the place you fill, or truly who you are? I’ve had numerous friends through my life that I sacrificed and did for, but when I fell of the face of the planet because of depression or a major life change, my phone never rang. These are people who I rubbed backs for, carried home, or constantly watched to stay out of trouble. These are people who I partied with that allowed me to fail courses or were disappointed instead of happy when I got a girlfriend. I realized I was giving for them and they gave little in return.
So, I had to let them go. It hurt because I freely give to those I invite into my life. It hurt when they never gave back. Then, when I cut them out of my life, as much as it hurt, it didn’t bother them enough to pick up the phone and ask why. I realized that they were okay walking out of my life. While I was up late worried, they slept like babies and it had to change.
Eventually, I started to be more careful with who I choose to be around. I started to watch my moods around certain people. How did I feel about them after a night? Did they call me to do things or was I a convenience friend? All these things I started to pay attention towards made me feel a bit stronger. I felt a bit better, until now I have a good number of friends that I believe will support me and actually call to see if I had a pulse.
In closing, I am writing this to let you know you are not alone and will never be alone. The feelings that you feel now, are nothing new. But, that doesn’t make them any less valid. If those people truly wanted to be in your life, they would have WITHOUT hurting you, WITHOUT the tears, and WITHOUT the pain. You are beautiful and deserve love like no other person has seen, and that’s because it comes from yourself.
Much Love,
Miles
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