Today is dedicated to an old friend and past love. I writing this to finally have my own type of closure.
It’s hard watching someone grow up, especially you. I had fallen in love with your zest, heart, and honesty. You kept me young, smiling, and laughing all the time. I felt like time stood still the while you held my hand. I was young again. I was a kid, laughing at silly jokes or drawing constellations on the ceiling of my apartment. I felt like everything we did was magic. I believed again after a such a long time being grounded. Lead was taken out of my boots.
Flight wasn’t so impossible anymore. We shaped the sky in my favorite stargazing places and kissed below the stars. We slow danced at twilight and saw a tiny bear’s journey to return home. I vanquished the shadows that fought to extinguish your light and was there to wipe the tears left in their wake. I was confident that I could be your knight whenever you called. I would fight for you and I hoped you’d do the same. We took on every challenge that arose together but it never hit me, there would be a day that you didn’t want a knight anymore.
Time couldn’t stay halted forever, as you blossomed into a beautiful woman. You erased the line that others made for you and drew your own. It was amazing to see what everyone else wanted for you be shed like cocoons and the person that emerged. The hardest part was realizing I couldn’t be there forever. You’d eventually want to try it your own. You were already perfect to me, but you wanted to be sure.
I couldn’t protect you from the world any longer. Even though I wanted you to want me to be there, walking together with you, I knew deep down that it was time to let you take the journey yourself. I should have been proud. You wanted to grow up so that you could that you could be my equal. You wanted to prove yourself worthy of my love. You no longer wanted a protector or provider. You wanted me to take off my armor and wait until you returned with a dragon yourself.
It takes time to become a warrior.The further you traveled, the more my helmet collected dust. You found new allies and fought enemies in disguise while I waited at home, clueless of the battles you undertook. I questioned my purpose. What is a knight without his liege? What use is a sword in peaceful times? I waited up for you until the sun rose. My cabin fever slowly turned into dying from a broken heart. I felt useless. A Teddy bear forgotten below the bed. My armor turned to rust.
I had to find a new purpose. I had to let you live your life to the fullest without finding personal value in being needed by you. You have grown up so nicely, and no matter what struggles you are going through, I know you will be fine. I pray for your many victories and much favor. One day we might meet as equals on the battlefield and go on many adventures, this time, together. If not, I leave my old armor and a smile behind as I find my own new challenges and a new way of looking at myself. I love you. I always will.
I have to love myself too.